I'm not going to beat around the bush. I'm just going to come out and say it. My kids are rotten, horrible, ungrateful little monsters.
Now don't go acting like I'm just a horrible mother for saying so because that means that you never thought that about your own kids at least once in their lives. And I may be overreacting here because I have seen kids that act far worse than my own. But since Jason left and I'm doing it all on my own I'm seeing things that were always there but I never noticed because there were two of us dealing with it.
They don't listen. Jorden lies... all the time. They can't be near each other or else they start fighting and someone always gets hurt. They can't play together in each other's rooms because they can't share with each other. I refuse to take them out in public because they don't listen. Chase likes to run off and throw tantrums. They can't sit in the backseat together in the car. They demand things like getting ice cream and going "fun" places (like Chuck E Cheese). Chase refuses to eat his dinner half the time and will not sit at the table. They take everything for granted. I didn't get to have new toys and clothes just for the heck of it. I didn't get to go to Chuck E Cheese or the park for no apparent reason. I was lucky if I was allowed outside.
I'm not a perfect parent. I'm way far from it. I didn't have a good parenting example growing up so I do the best I can. I give time-outs. I talk to them about their behavior. I scream, yell, spank. I've tried rewards and bribery. I've tried taking things away. I spend the day keeping them separated. Nothing works. I don't know what else to do. Deployment can't be used as an excuse anymore because Jason's been gone long enough for us to adjust. I'm at the point where the more they are away from me, the more I love them. I don't know what I did wrong and I don't know how to fix it. There's a song by Pat Benetar called "Love is a Battlefield". I guess parenting is like that too. I'm trying to pick my battles but Jorden and Chase make everything a battle. All I want to do is end the war and have some peace.
The FIT Challenge
15 years ago
3 comments:
Barbara, I'm sorry it's so hard! Knowing that misery loves company, I will tell you that I have very similar issues and very similar thoughts sometimes. I am trying to focus on the good, because they do have their awesome moments. I love being a mom. But I need a break. I just keep telling myself to ride out the phases, but don't be a pushover. I have to take away priveliges sometimes because they just expect that everything they have is their right to have. Once they start demanding, they are not only told "no," they lose something else so they can see how good they had it before the demands started rolling in. Does it always work? No. But at least I'm not rewarding negative behavior. It's all guess work and we all do the best we can.
Good luck, and hang in there. Don't beat yourself up about being a bad mom! You're only a bad mom if you stop trying or stop caring.
Josh has just gotten to the stage of "Can I have that? Can I have this?" Sean is currently in the whining stage, and Ms. Ky thinks the world revolves around her and gets upset at the least little thing.....after three children and LOADS of advice from parents with teenagers I have realized that if I remain consistant in my discipline these annoyances will remain stages and disapper or at least change into the next stage..... I know for sure that lying is a stage, because each of my boys went through it, and I have no doubt Ky will too. As for deployments, I have no advice except to tell you that each and every one of my friends who had deployed husbands lamented to me about how much their kids were turning into monsters and how they didn't know what to do. And yes, the behavior of the kids got worse during deployments. Most of them, if not all, got at least a little better once daddy came home. God designed parenting to be a two person team. Without someone to tag as it, it's going to be hard. Grace yourself, lady. There's a reason the Army grants respite.
I can't fix everything, but I can offer a solution to the lying and whining/mouthiness.
Vinegar on the tongue. OR, if they are immune to vinegar - Hot sauce. a small dab. I have a scrapbooking mister (it's tiny, like a breath spray) filled with vinegar. When my kids start to get whiny, or mouthy...or they growl at me when I am addressing them...or my son is lying (he's big on lies, too). I spray their mouths with vinegar, swat their bottoms, and put them into a "face down" time out. That means, on the floor, in your room, face down. And it's not for just a minute or two.
Even just the threat of vinegar nowadays stops them cold. There are times that they slip back into the behavior (because I become lax) but when I go back to it, they get in line.
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